I am a writer and comedian. I write things I think are funny, then usually go say those things in front of large groups of people, and I try to be polite about it.
My new sounds:
That’ll do, Dentist.
I don’t want to brag, but I go to the dentist every six months to get my teeth cleaned and checked. Yes, I’m doing very well for myself.
Unlike a lot of people, I am not afraid of going to the dentist. It’s a good chance for me to catch up on Highlights magazine and to hear what the old people are listening to on the local adult contemporary FM station, but Dentist, please. Stop with the constant updates that I have an appointment coming up.
About two years ago my dentist started a service where you could get an automatic email reminder about your appointment. I didn’t think too much of it when I gave the receptionist my email address until five months later when I started getting the reminders. Plural. I might be exaggerating slightly, but I probably get about forty-five reminders via email per appointment. And then they call. And they don’t just call me. They call my wife as well.
There are loads of great things about living in these modern times, and one of them is that in my pocket at all times is a four inch computer. That computer has a calendar into which I can put events and reminders such as dentist appointments and when they get closer I can tell the computer to remind me so that I won’t forget, because don’t get me wrong, I would forget. If left to my own devices I would never remember when I was supposed to do anything. I rely heavily on the near-miraculous device I carry around constantly to keep me abreast of where I need to be and when. It’s really taken a huge burden off my wife who used to be the one who had to get me places on time.
But I assure you, Dentist, I’ve got the situation well managed. I know when my next appointment is, and even if I don’t, my phone does. I’ll be there. I promise.
Think about what you’re doing. If a friend of yours set a date with you for some time in the future would you start haranguing him with emails weeks beforehand? It comes across as needy.
Enough is enough, Dentist. I’ll see you in three month.
Chris Hurdle has himself a podcast, and this week I appeared on it. Mr. Hurdle went to high school with my wife and we sort of knew each other back then, and much like fourteen years ago, I think he is very funny. Listen to the podcast. Subscribe? Buy it? I don’t know what his end goal is here, but be cool about it and do whatever Chris tells you to do. He’s pretty solid.
Been waiting 4 years for this. #theforceisstrongwiththisone (Taken with instagram)
“Thomas and Percy are banging each other.” —my 4yo nephew. (Taken with instagram)
Scranton’s version of Occupy Wall St. Seven very angry people. (Taken with instagram)
Life on the Road
Didn’t realize until just now, but this a sort of first for me in my comedy career: The first weekend on the road. I’ve got two shows this weekend in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I’ve done shows in Scranton before, but just one-nighters and since it’s a reasonable drive from my house I just go home after. (Also because there’s nothing to do here.)
I checked in about an hour ago and I’m just killing the last few minutes before I go down to do the first show tonight. I think this is the part of comedy that a lot of people don’t like, but I like driving and I don’t mind hotels (this one in particular seems pretty solid), so apart from not being home with my wife and dog I could probably dig this. Though I realize this might be what a lot of comics say at first then gradually hate it.
A big part of the appeal is that the shows are in the lobby of the hotel where they’re putting me up so there’s no post-show commute. This would also be true if I just started charging people to come see me tell jokes in my dining room. I’ll look into it.
